Happy 1 year self-employment-iversary to me!
During my 6-month reflection post I mused on how I hoped I’d still be going strong and able to write about my 1 year milestone of being self-employed. Well here we are!
What a ride this year has been so far and jeez is self-employment one heck of an emotional rollercoaster. I go from feeling so excited and happy about my work, to anxiety that it may all be taken away, to existential dread at what I would do if I had to go back to permanent work, to blissful delusion once the next invoice goes in. It’s a lot.
But would I change it for anything? Absolutely not.
Instead of reflecting on what I have learned, I’m going to reflect on how I’m feeling about this milestone and my self-employment journey so far.
An immense amount of gratitude
I can’t even express how immensely grateful I am that I get to do a job I love. I have done jobs before that I wasn’t even remotely passionate about and know how draining on the soul it can be, to be in a position where you’re stuck in a job because it pays the bills. I’m aware it is a very privileged position to not only be my own boss, but to also genuinely enjoy what I do.
I’m also incredibly grateful for the opportunities it has given me, the chances to connect with so many people, to work on some fantastic projects and learn a myriad of new skills.
Scared…but in a good way?
Piggy-backing off of #1, the fear and anxiety of this all going away is real! I try and see this as a positive thing, that I’m enjoying what I do so much the thought of not being able to do it anymore genuinely gives me palpitations. But this fear just pushes me to work harder, to keep stretching my skills and creativity and motivates me to spend time on those social media posts, even when I’m not feeling it. I’ve always been aware that self-employment would have busy and quiet periods, so it’s not the financial gain that I’d be sad to lose. It’s the other benefits that I’ve felt from being self-employed. Such as having a better work-life balance, not feeling guilty for taking time off to spend with my kids, not having to ask someone to take holiday, being able to choose the work I do and the people I work with. Oh and most importantly not having to worry about a bloody MS Teams status!!
Don’t get me wrong, there are also downsides. It’s not always a financially stable option and realistically some months I work longer hours and harder than I ever have done. But I feel the benefits more, than when I was permanently employed. The sense of satisfaction when the client is happy is awesome.
Seasoned self-employed people, let me know though, does that anxiety ever go away?
Bloody tired!
I will admit I am still figuring out a work-life balance! Through being with my family, keeping up with work and scheduling in social media posts, I do feel like I’ve worked harder than ever recently.
There has been plenty of late nights, working on weekend evenings and juggling more than I probably should have been, so it’s safe to say I’m ready for a holiday in the next month. That being said, whilst I am tired , 'I’m yet to reach creative burnout, or feel less passionate about what I’m doing, which I’m taking as a good sign that I’m on the right path. Once I figure out the right work-life balance for me, I do believe things will feel a little less full speed. I’ve also started setting boundaries, such as finishing up work when my kids come home from school at 3. This has definitely kept my stress levels lower and I think contributed to me not burning out!
Excited
I’m so so excited to see where the next year takes me and to experience how my business (hopefully) grows and develops. I mentioned in my 6-month reflective post, that whilst I was in permanent employment I was always looking ahead to how I could reach the next promotion. Whereas, what I’ve found with self-employment is that I’m just genuinely happy to be here! I look to the future with cautious optimism, but very much remain in the present. My excitement instead comes from thinking about all the projects I may get a chance to work on and the ways in which I can continue to develop my skills, as opposed to reaching a specific milestone.
Motivated
One of the reasons I was always hesitant to give self-employment a go, was that I was afraid I would fall out of love with my job. Naturally, working for yourself comes with a lot of added admin which can feel like a chore. (I recently completed my first self-assessment tax return and jeez was that intimidating!) Not to mention the huge amount of marketing involved to keep new business coming in. Therefore, I was anxious that the weight of these tasks would soon drown out the passion and love I have for learning design.
Thankfully that hasn’t happened yet. In fact, it has been quite the opposite, I feel more motivated than ever and have loved engaging in personal projects recently, to stretch and strengthen my skills both as an instructional designer and digital learning developer. That’s not to say that I don’t have off days. Sometimes I’ll attempt to get something done and my brain is just not feeling it. That’s where I need to get better at taking advantage of being my own boss, as I often forget in those moments I can just shut my laptop down and go for a walk to clear my head. (MS Teams anxiety is still ingrained in me I swear!)
And finally a big thanks!
Don’t worry I’m not about to write an Oscar speech here. But I did want to say a big thanks to all my clients past and present and to my fellow ID’s for their support, constructive feedback and friendship.
I don’t know what the future holds, or if I’ll be able to sit here next year and celebrate my 2 year milestone, but what I do know is that I can look back on this year and feel immensely proud of all that I’ve learned and how far I’ve come.
Here’s to the next chapter!
